Last night we went to Jake’s holiday party, and it was a total freaking blast. While he’s my project manager here, he’s a manager manager at this adorable (and awesome!) doggy day care in West Hollywood. When I visit him, I feel like family– even though I don’t work there. And during the holiday party?? I REALLY feel like family then. I love all of his coworkers–really. We even asked his boss officiate our wedding, but standing there during the party I couldn’t help but feel like I was missing some piece of this for my own. Legitimately for my own.
I have tons of fun with his coworkers, laugh and play with them, but they are not my own coworkers. We don’t relate on things I’m passionate about, we relate to their relationship to my fiancé and a lot of them talk about how much they love Jake and how nice he is to work with. I finagle in some awesome conversation topics (as I am known to do), but it’s still not ‘the same’.
This year, however it comes, I’d love to get a superbly good professional fit. I’ve spent the year really focusing on what I love to do, most of it mental, analytical and societal/cultural– but all of it stemming from design.
A few weeks ago I was expressing this disconnect with a friend of mine who works as a research anthropologist within the criminal system (fascinating!!). She mentioned how I should/could probably get a job as a researcher thanks to all the hard work I’m doing with TKP. It was completely eye-opening! You mean I could work in design for clients, and then spend time thinking and researching? This was exciting! You know what completely deflated my optimism balloon? Missing the camaraderie talking about typefaces and kerning. I shared this reality with my friend as well. Her response? “What’s kerning?” Point made.
There’s a special kind of joy I get when I talk to my friends from college about fonts. It’s a joy of connection, of recognition, in topics and varying opinions– but mostly about fonts. I realized it a few months ago when a friend approached me to see if I had a typeface he was needing. Then we let loose and shared some of our favorite font crushes of all time. It was spectacular. It sounds nerdy as hell, but I REALLY miss being among other designers who care about design. Not just trends, and what’s cool, or the latest iteration of a Star Wars reference, but who look at fonts and say “I wouldn’t kick Freight out of bed for eating crackers”.
“If you are a large, corporate brand and are using either cascading binary or ‘matrix’ script to represent the fact that it’s “cyber monday” in a mass email…Kill yourself.”*
*both actual comments from dear (ridiculous) friends of mine.
These things cement within me that while my curiosities are taking me through outrageous journeys across anthropology, sociology, gender, race, and whatever else will piqué my mind across my life; my passion is deeply rooted within design. It’s my favorite mode of communicating, a beautiful method of extracting and defining information, and my most favorite occupation I’ve ever had– so where’s my home and what’s my role? Where’s the team in which I fit? Where do I belong and to whom can I share these things with? The things I love to do and can do with incredible deftness have a place. I’m not sure what it’s called, or where it will be– but I know it’s useful, and I know I’ll be finding my place shortly. I better be– I’m getting awfully tired of sitting on the sidelines knowing I’m THIS awesome.